Is Robert Lightwood Gay?

I don’t know about you, but to me, one of the most surprising things in Tales from Shadowhunter

Academy is what we saw about Robert and Michael's relationship. I had previously assumed that their relationship was like how Jace and Alec’s used to be. The gay friend was in love with their straight as an arrow best friend, except Michael didn’t have such a happy ending. So that was why I was extremely surprised to find that it might not have been like that at all. In fact, Robert being gay and in love with Michael as well could almost even  be considered canon. There are some that could argue against this, so I decided I would look at what we saw from Robert regarding his feelings, and relationships, and try and deduce what he was actually feeling. I have taken some quotes from Tales from Shadowhunter Academy and we are going to look through them.

WARNING- Spoilers ahead!

So, the most common and secure argument is, ‘How could Robert possibly be gay? Not only did he marry a girl, but he had three children!’ To which I say, that is a very good point. Or at least I thought it was a good point until I read a bit about how Robert really felt about Maryse. You might be wondering why the first quote would be important. Well, I was trying to figure out why Robert chose to date and marry Maryse in the first place if he wasn’t even sure he loved her. When Robert was thinking about his feelings towards Maryse, it almost seemed like what he liked best about her was that the fact that she dated him made him feel strong. Maryse was strong, beautiful, and breezed through the academy, so Robert felt pleased that Maryse would choose him. This, and the fact that he was expected to marry a girl very soon, might be a few of his reasons. He also mentions multiple times that the less sure he felt, the more sure he acted. So, if he was unsure he was actually straight, he could have even married Maryse while still in denial.

“Having Maryse by his side was like wearing a suit of armor. No one like her would choose someone worthless.”“So why was it that whenever she said, “I love you,” he felt like such a liar for saying it back?” “How could he love the way Maryse made him feel. . . and still be so uncertain that what he felt was love? He’d taken to surreptitiously watching the other couples around him, trying to figure out whether they felt the same way, whether their declarations of love masked the same confusion and doubt.”“Come home to me. As if he belonged to her. As if, in her mind, they were already married, with a house and children and a lifetime of togetherness, as if the future was already decided. It was the appeal of Maryse, as it was the appeal of Valentine, the ease of with which they could be so sure of what should be, and what was to come. Robert continued hoping that one day it would rub off on him. In the meantime, the less certain he was, the more certain he acted- there was no need for anyone to know the truth.”

After reading the quotes above, it's pretty obvious Robert wasn’t really in love with Maryse. He definitely felt something for her, but not love. I believe he married Maryse because he was expected to, because he was in denial about his sexuality, and because she made him feel important. Now, another thing I found interesting was the comparison between Robert and Michael down below. Michael was gay, or at least bisexual, and was in love with Robert, so I thought it was a bit weird that the two of them felt the same way about each other, women, and the future.

“Michael, who had fallen usually silent, caught Robert’s eye. Only Michael knew how little robert liked to think about the future, especially this part of it. How much he dreaded being forced into marriage, parenting, responsibility. If it were up to Robert, he would stay at the Academy forever.” “The only one of them still single, Michael disliked this line of conversation even more than Robert did. It was one of them any things they had in common: They both enjoyed each  other’s company more than any girl. Marriage seemed like such a misguided concept, Robert sometimes thought. How could he care for any wife more than he did for his parabatai, the other half of his soul?”“They’d each marry, move into houses of their own, refocus their attention and their love. They would always have a claim on each other's souls. But after next year, they would no longer be the most important person in each others lives. This, Robert knew, was simply how life worked. This was growing up. He just couldn’t imagine it, and he didn’t want to.”

Another thing that points to the fact that Robert might be gay, is his jealousy when it comes to the thought of Michael being with someone else. Robert hates the idea of either of them not being the most important person to each other anymore, and his jealousy and heartbreak when he thought Michael was in love with Eliza definitely says something.

“Michael never liked anyone. Until this moment, Robert hadn’t realized how much he had counted on that. ‘Then you should go for it,’ he said, hoping he sounded sincere.”

Down below is a conversation between Robert and Michael about Robert’s feelings towards Maryse. Robert confided in Michael and said he felt like something was missing, and that he was worried something was wrong with him, before being reassured by Michael. This right here is practically proof. Not only did he admit that him and Maryse didn’t feel right, or any other girl, but he also said he felt something was wrong or different about him. This is why I don't believe he is bisexual. I think he is gay and just didn’t want to admit it.

“‘But does that mean I love her? It should, but. . .’ ‘Somethings missing?’ ‘Not between us though.’ Robert said. ‘It's like there’s something missing in me.’ ““ ‘I don't know,’ he admitted, wondering if any girl would ever be the center of his world. ‘Sometimes I worry there’s something wrong with me.”

Another thing I find vital to the argument, below. Valentine confronted Robert and told him that he knew his secret- he was afraid of the marks. The two had a conversation and before he left Valentine told him he knew his secret, he was a coward and he was afraid of himself and his own weakness. I reread, thinking I may have accidentally read the same thing twice, but no, Valentine was no longer talking about the marks. They just had a conversation about Robert’s fear of the marks, so why would Valentine turn around and tell Robert he knew his fears and his weakness? Hadn’t they already established that? Unless Valentine was no longer talking about the marks. If you look at it right, it almost seems as if Valentine is telling Robert he knows his REAL fear. That he might be gay. Valentine’s short speech could also explain why Robert walked away from Michael. Valentine may have been right. Robert didn’t walk away because of his fear of Michael, he walked away from the fear of himself and people thinking Robert would be gay too.

“You’re not afraid of death or injury, Robert. You’re afraid of yourself and your own weakness. You lack faith- you lack the loyalty- because you lack strength in your own convictions. And it's my fault for expecting more. After all, how can you be expected to believe in anything or anyone if you don't believe in yourself?”

Below is the thing that tops it all off. The paragraph that makes the headcanon of Robert being gay and in love with Michael, practically canon. It’s the part of the book where Michael confesses his love for Robert.

“Michael paled. ‘I know you probably. . . I know you don’t feel the same way, that you couldn’t. . .’ All at once, with a force that nearly swept him off his feet, Robert was flooded by a rush of memories: Michael’s hand on his shoulder. Michael's arms around him in an embrace. Michael wrestling with him. Michael gently adjusting his grip on a sword. Michael lying in bed a few feet away from him, night after night. Michael stripping down, taking his hand, pulling him into Lake Lyn. Michael, chest bare, hair soaked, eyes shining, lying in the grass beside him. Robert wanted to throw up.”“This is what Robert knew: That Michael was the best friend he’d ever had, and probably the purest soul he’d ever known. That he should sit beside Michael, promise him that this was okay, that nothing needed to change, that the oath the’d sworn to each other was true, and forever. That there was nothing to fear in Michael’s- Robert’s stomach turned at the word- love. That Robert was arrow straight, that it was Maryse’s touch that made his body come alive, the memory of Maryse’s bare chest that made his pulse race- and that Michael’s confession didn’t call any of this into doubt. He knew he should say something reassuring to Michael, something like,’I can’t love you that way, but I will love you forever.’ But he also knew what people would think. What they would think about Michael. . . what they would assume about Robert. People would talk, they would gossip, they would suspect things. Parabatai couldn’t date each other, of course. And couldn’t. . . anything else. But Michael and Robert were so close; Michael and Robert were so in sync; surely people would want to know if Michael and Robert were the same. Surely people would wonder. He couldn’t take it. He’d worked too hard to become the man he was, the shadowhunter he was. He couldn’t stand to have people looking at him like that again, like he was different. And he couldn’t stand to have Michael looking at him like this. Because what if he started wondering too?”

There are many things to point out about the paragraph. First of all, Michael said Robert couldn’t possibly feel the same way, and suddenly Robert began to think with affection of all the things Michael and him had been through together. It seemed like he began to question if he felt the same way as well. Then Robert mentioned Michael’s bare chest, and down below that, he felt as if he should tell Michael it was Maryse’s chest that made his pulse race. Is it saying that the memory of Michael’s chest made Robert’s pulse race? It sure seems like it. It also says that Robert felt he needed to tell Michael that he was arrow straight- and that Michael's confession didn’t call any of this into doubt, except he didn’t. Robert began to question whether his own feelings were the same as Michael's. And right after that was exactly why Robert abandoned and hurt Michael. It wasn’t Michael's feelings that scared him, it was the thought that people would think that Robert was gay too. He couldn’t stand the thought of being different or an outcast again. He was worried people would began to doubt his sexuality. And, to top it all off, Robert was afraid he would began doubting too. So, there are many people that think Robert really is straight as an arrow, and that I, and and many other fans, are just reading too far into it, but those are the reasons why I think Robert was definitely gay and in love with Michael. Robert being gay and ashamed of it could explain many things. It explains why his and Maryse’s relationship didn’t work out. It could explain why Robert cheated on Maryse, as Robert could have been in denial and trying to pretend the problem was Maryse and not the fact Maryse was a girl. It could also explain his problem with Alec being gay, because it reminded him of himself. He even asked what made Alec gay. At the time we all thought it was hatred, but as I look at it, Robert might have actually been wanting an answer. Ever since Robert had a problem with the marks, he was worried there was something different or wrong about him. He could have decided that this is why he wasn’t attracted to girls, but Alec coming out as gay may have thrown this whole theory off, because Alec never had any problems. There are many more things I could point out or theorize, but I’m going to leave it at that. Sorry for the super long post! I’m almost definitely sure that Robert is gay and was in love with Michael. What do you think? Let me know!